Not everything goes smooth in our life. At times we wonder ‘Is God even alive?’. When I came to Bangalore for college, I was homesick. Most of the time when I sit down to study or to read a book or anything else, half way through I’ll realize that I am crying. This lasted for quite some time. When ever I shared it with my friends they used to say “Don’t worry, you will feel better in due time”. And for me this ” due time” never seemed to come around. I tried doing different thing to distract myself. But still when I came back to my room I would start crying. This went on for three weeks. When people prayed for me they said “This happens, God wants to build up something new in you, that is why you have trouble now”.
I did have good moments in those first three weeks. Like, three girls I met in college ended up buying me a cake for my birthday. I was surprised because I only knew them for 5 days and they bought a birthday cake for me. God continued giving me friends in college and in my dorm, but still the sadness that I felt when I entered my room seemed to be permanent.
As time went by, I stopped crying, but I always had this empty place in me. Few weeks ago, sitting in church I was asking God “Why lord? Why is this empty feeling still haunting me? Why can’t I be happy? Why do I feel alone all the time? Are you even there?”. These questions rushed in my mind and I couldn’t listen to the message. During alter call, I wanted to go up front but I couldn’t my legs felt heavy. And again I started questioning God. When I opened my eye I saw my aunt walking to me. She came close to me hugged me and asked “Do you feel alone? Like you are all alone with none around?” I couldn’t speak. I just nodded my head and started crying. Finally after a long time I felt like someone understood how I felt. She prayed for quite some time and she said ” God knows how you feel. He is keeping this gap in your life to mould you and to make sure you never turn away from Him even if you have everything you need.” Suddenly everything started making sense for me. I felt so light at heart and I smiled wholeheartedly after a long time.
Most of the time in our life we feel the same way like we are alone and that there is no one who understand how you feel. But that’s not true. Jesus knows how you feel, he felt the same way when he was in this world his own people treated him badly. We even see that in Joseph’s life, his brothers betrayed him, he was sold to foreigners for money. God was with him through his life. Every where God took him he made sure that Joseph learned to trust God even more. Even when Joseph was tempted to do wrong, he didn’t because of his love for God.
So even if we feel alone we’re actually not alone. God is with us. He leads us through different situations to make sure that we learn to turn to God, and to keep our trust in him. I know it is hard to understand all this when we are going through hard times. And all we could do is to ask God to help us to understand and know that he knows how we feel and that he holding us in his arms.